Well week two of the NFL season is in the books and I think it’s safe to make some season long projections right now.
Let’s start with the low hanging fruit- Those darn New England Patriots. Now, my first comment after the game on Thursday night (from Friday morning look it up) was, “Now I know what it’s like to be a Tebowite.” Because yes- a win is a win, but that sure felt like a loss.
It appears that Aaron Dobson and Kenbrell Thompkins have 20 thumbs and not one finger between them, so mark it down- The Pats are screwed. Danny Amendola is every bit the paper mache tiger that we all thought he would be and if you haven’t heard Aaron Hernandez killed a guy (allegedly). Oh yeah and Rob Gronkowski just developed a rare flesh-eating virus that he contracted whilst dancing and banging porn stars. Doom, doom and more doom.
Now to the rotten fruit, that is to say if Rex would let food sit around long enough to spoil (that lap band is really making it hard to make fat jokes about old Rexy, but that’s one more for[dropcap]
[/dropcap] the road). The New York Jets defense looks like it might be just good enough to keep all of the top players out of Idzik’s reach (unless he wants to jump up to #5 and pick the second coming of Mark Sanchez), but Santonio’s ankle, Stephen’s cinder block mitts and Clyde Gates might just be the worst collection or receivers outside of New England. A solid 6-10 season is in your sights Jets, don’t go a-changin’.
OK, now that the crap has been dealt with it is time to talk about the new-found darlings of the AFC East- the Buffalo Bills. True the “establishment” says they are only 1-1, but losing to New England by two points counts as a win and the Carolina Panthers have been to a Super Bowl in the last decade, so that win counts as two. That makes the Bills 3-0 by my count. Tears or no tears EJ put together a quality drive on Sunday and as everyone knows- once you have one comeback win in the NFL your draft position is justified and you can be counted among the league’s elite young stars (just ask that guy who wore #15 in Denver). Additionally, the defense does look good and it looks as if Mario “The $100 Million Dollar Man” Williams might just be an average DE in this league after all.
Of course we saved the best for last. The last team to win this division not from New England sure is the Belle of the Ball these days. Mt. Tannemore has been re-erected (we just went full Warlord and used napalm on those pesky natives) and we will all now bask in the glory of his 10,000 foot golden right arm for at least a decade to come.
The Fins beat some pretty average competition in the Browns and Colts so I think it’s safe to project that success out to a 16-0 regular season that ends with Mercury Morris standing on
the top of SunLife Stadium with a high-powered rifle (unfortunately for him, if he wants to shoot some fans he’ll have to go to an away game…). Oh yeah, Cameron Wake is no doubt going to become the first person ever inducted into the Hall of Fame while he’s still playing.
These “facts” are my opinions, so who here will be the master debater and refute them?
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