Ahh, what a week of NFL football we all just enjoyed. Hope and optimism has returned to the shores of Lake Erie while doom had settled upon New Jersey and the Biscayne Bay. So, without further ado…
In last place we find one of the shittier teams in recent memory, the Miami Dolphins. As predicted, the Fins traveled up to Foxboro and got their asses handed to them. The game started good enough, with the Fins holding the Pats to a three and out. Then Belichick showed his ultimate distain for the offensive capabilities of the Fins, ran a fake punt and the game was over. Once things got out of control, the Fins resorted to their classy ways, Bobby McCain was ejected and the combo of Kiko/Suh did their best to try and hurt as many people as possible. I know that Fin fans the world over will blame this entire lost season on the Tanny injury, but they would be wrong. This team is rotten to the core and needs to be stripped down for spare parts. Gase is not an NFL head coach, but he’ll get one more shot to g 6-10 next year before Ross decides to bring in the next “hot assistant” coach to lead them to 9-7 in his first year, then 6-10 in his second to keep the carousel running.
Second to last place, the Jets. This is a surprise because everyone thought the Jets would suck worse than anything we’ve seen in the history of organized football. Robbie Anderson is actually pretty good, but let’s pump the brakes on the safeties. Adams talked some shit to a guy after getting beat for a TD (LSU edumacation for ya) and Maye(s?) is going to be OK, but let’s not use times targeted as a metric for success. When the likes of Buster Skreene are available to throw at, why would a QB throw anywhere else. But the Jets’ did “play a good team close” which in some circles counts as victory, but I’ll remind you that when that same team barely beat the Pats we were laughing at how terrible the Pat were to let such a shitty team beat them. The Jets blow, deal with it.
Now for the winners.
Tough call here…I think I’ll put the Pats in second place because they didn’t play the cleanest game. I mean they kicked the shit out of the Fins, but it should have been so, so much worse. In fact, the Pats were so bad in their domination of the fish that BB made the entire team come in on their day off for extra film study and yellings at. There were many highlights though, the defense is fixed, 100%, remove the TD that Ted Karas gave up with his stupid (Poucey-esque) snap and they only gave up 10 points. And Brandon Cooks is fast, like really fast. Now that he’s back on track to being elite, when Hogan comes back (this week?), this offense is going to be scary. Also, Dion Lewis is the man. BB did everything he could to bury the little fella on the depth chart, but all Lewis has done is make himself into one of the most valuable RBs in the league. Pats head to Orchard Park this weekend for a big tilt against the #1 team in this week’s ranking…
The Buffalo Bills are back in the #1 spot. The Bills beat the Chiefs in Arrowhead on Sunday, a team that humiliated the Pats at home this season. So by TSR logic, the Bills are going to beat the Pats by about 30 on Sunday. I mean why even show up, the Bills are by far the dominant team in the division and should just be penciled in for a trip to the Super Bowl. We also learned that Tyrod Taylor is in fact better at football than J. Peterman. Tyrod led his team into the Lion’s den and came out with a new necklace made of lion teeth. The defense had obviously fixed everything since the NO game, so let’s just say it. THIS IS THE YEAR. PLAYOFFS OR BUST. (No matter how hard Kim and Terry try to sabotage the team with their racist ways)
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