Slick’s 2018 NFL Draft Round 1 Overreaction

Well it’s my last day at this job, so instead of working, I figured I’d wrote about the events that transpired last night…
 
And we’re off
 
First to pick last night were the Browns,  And they did a very Browns thing and took Baer Mayfield to be their QB of the future. Mayfield is an incredibly talented QB, who is a little undersized and has a partying problem.  He’s also a jerk.  Sounds suspiciously like another OB they took in the first round just a few years ago…Mayfield has talent, but he’s going to need a strong structure to help him succeed.  Too bad he got drafted by the Browns.
 
We skip ahead to the third pick of the draft and the New York Jets.  And once again, it was Déjà vu all over again…The Jets traded a haul to move up to the 3^rdpick, where they drafted Mark Sanchez out of USC. Sorry, Sam Darnold of USC…But hey, it’s basically the same guy.  In our lifetime, The University of Southern California has put a number of QBs into the NFL, the most successful have been Carson Palmer and Matt Cassell.  And he’s also a Ginger.  Long story short, the Jets are still looking for their next franchise QB.
 
And look, the Browns are back on the clock at #4.  And there’s a lot of good players that could fil some real holes on the Browns.  So the Browns did Browns things and took a guy from Ohio who would have been available around #12…Sounds a lot like the 76ers and their “Trust the Process” BS…The Browns are not going to be good this year, but hey, I hear there’s a few good players in the 2019 Draft…
 
And speaking of stupid, the Bills traded up to number 7.  It cost them two 2nds, but the best QB on the board was still available.  An the Bills even wrote the correct first name on their card, unfortunately they wrote the wrong last name.  Josh Allen is JP Loseman reincarnated, and it looks like AJ McCarron will be the new Flutie.  Good luck Bills fans.
 
Hey, we’ve finally made it out of the top 10…At #11, the Fins took a DB from Alabama.  Like most of them, he’ll probably suck.  Which is great because Derwin James was available, as well as a few good offensive linemen.  Looks like the Fish are flushing their future down the Toilethill. Adam Gase probably just gave Mr. Ross his two weeks notice, I would have.
 
Oh look, Mr. Beane’s assistant showed him his schedule for Friday and it looks like he’s got a scheduling conflict, so he decided to trade the rest of his day two picks to move up and draft a teenager that likely would have been available at 22.  Edmunds has a very high upside, and could be a very good, to excellent player.  My only real problem with this pick is bringing a 19 year old kid to Buffalo for his first job and of course trading up to get him.  Good player though.
 
God, it seems like there’s have been a lot of picks from our two divisions so far…
 
On to 21 and the Bengals. The boring old Benglas took a boring old player.  He’s a Center from Ohio State.  So if you are counting, two Ohio teams have picked and they’ve each selected an in-state player (a little advice for the Bengals front office, following the Browns’ lead is never a good idea).  OK, a center, I don’t care how good he is, he’s a center.  But on the plus side, centers don’t get paid that much compared to skill position guys, so Mike Brown will get to keep more of his hard “earned” cash.
 
And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the Pats are on the clock and Lamar Jackson is still available.  So they took a guard.  I guess it’s a good pick, but much like I said about the Center above, I don’t care, he’s a guard.  Although, I will change my tune if he plays tackle (NFL network has him listed as a T).
 
And now the Ravens are on the clock at 25.  And still smarting over missing out on Gronk all those years ago, Ozzie takes a TE. Another ginger, I fully expect him to be on IR within the first week of training camp with a severe case of fire crabs. This pick does not help Flacco throw any more PI balls, so I’m all for it.
 
Next up, the Steelers at 28. After a touching video montage of the consequences of playing football like an idiot, the Steelers took the older brother of the kid the Bills took.  Well, at least the two can lament about having to live in shitty cities together. Many say it was a reach, but I’m sure Steeler fans will tell us how great he is and that it was a clean hit as he lies motionless on the field.  Oh yeah, his name is Terrell Edmunds.
 
And the Pats are back up at 31.  A running back?  Are you freaking kidding me?  A running back?  That just shows you how much value Belichick puts on the draft.  Using first round pick on a guy that plays the most devalued position on the field is just stupid.  RBs are a dime a dozen in today’s NFL and unless they have unique talent (like Zeke or Barkley), you can find one on any scrap heap outside of any NFL stadium.  Now for my biggest red flag on this guy.  The “Instant Draft Grade” of an A+.  Sounds like the media trying to sell us on another shitty pick by Bill.
 
Oh look, the Ravens traded back into the 1^st.  And took Lamar Jackson.  I’m torn on this player, I’ve seen him do some very amazing things on a football field, but I just don’t trust him…Probably a good final 1^stround pick by the Wizard.