2015 Week 1 Overreactions

 

Woo hoo, the regular season is here!! This blogger spent much of opening day trying to regain the gift of sight after getting blackout drunk on Saturday in Brooklyn, but I did catch a lot of football so here we go.

 

With all four teams in the division being undefeated, we’re going to have to parse a few things to come up with rankings but here you go, from worst to first:

 

The Miami Dolphins; win over the Redskins 17-10. What a bag of suck they dragged out onto the field on Sunday…My goodness has there ever been a team entering the season with such expectations that comes out so flat. Clueless Joe is in midseason form, trying to see out his mouth because his head is so far up his own ass. I mean come on, thank goodness for Jarvis Landry because he’s the only reason that Fin fans should have any sort of optimism right now. Lauren’s Husband was incredibly unimpressive, but he did manage to throw more TDs (1) than interceptions (0), he’s going to have to be a whole lot better than that though if he wants to live up the contract that he just signed and finally step out of his wife’s shadow. As for the defense that was supposed to be so much better now that Suh is in the middle. Well they gave up over 150 yards on the ground and Suh “accidentally” kicked off an opponents’ helmet. Money well spent Dolphins, money well spent indeed.

 

Next up we have the Jets; and their win over the Browns 31-10. Gang Green wasted no time in knocking Josh McCown out of the game when he did his “Anti-Elway” play, then Old John Football Esquire came in to suck horribly. Fitz was early season Fitz, he managed the game well and only threw one bad interception. The defense was OK, Revis and Co kind of got the day off once Football entered the game, so we can’t really evaluate them, but the front seven did a wonderful job of negating the Browns’ running game. The Jets are still an enigma, but for at least one week, they are not the worst team in the division.

 

And in second place, we find the Buffalo Bills after their dismantling of the Colts 27-14. The Bills are 1-0 in the rex Ryan era and this has all of Erie County consulting a physician for their erections that have last four days, let alone four hours. The Bills’ defense is as formidable as advertised. The defensive line (which was without it’s best player) was ferocious, harassing Andrew Luck and his stupid neck beard all afternoon. The linebackers blitzed and blitzed some more and the sieve of an offensive line that Indy employs was helpless to stop them. Andrew Luck was so bad in fact, that Ronald Darby contributed in more ways than just getting burned for touchdowns. And now for the offense, Tyrod Taylor did something that (it appears by the reaction of Bills’ nation) no Bills’ QB has done since Jim Kelly; he completed a 15 yard pass for a first down while facing a little bit of pressure. Other than that the offense was a lot of what you would expect from a Rex Ryan offense. A lot of running, Shady’s performance was a bit shady and I’d still rather have one of the best middle linebackers in the league over him, but Karlos Williams did what he does- lull the defense into a false sense of security with a bunch of 2 yard carries, then BOOM, hit them in the face with a longish touchdown run. The fans at the Ralph were chanting that they want Brady by then end of it, they get their wish in week 2.

 

And in first place, where they always are we find the Pats, who defeated the Steelers 28-21. The Patriots opened up their championship defense with a little middle finger to the league, playing “All We Do is Win” and parading their four Lombardi Trophies around the field before rolling out onto the field to handle the Steelers. Of course Mike Tomlin had some excuses as to why he is such a bad coach; if he was smart he would have listened to Zolak, he would have gotten more insight into the game than the like of Todd Haley or that “new” defensive coordinator could have given him. The Pats took a commanding 21-3 lead in the first half and basically put it on cruise control for the second half. Rob Gronkowski proved why he may be the most dominant pass catcher in the league by humiliating a Steelers defense that assured America that “covering Gronk is not hard” to the tune of 5 catches, 94 yards and three TDs. Tom Brady showed that he is still better than most of the QBs in the league and once again Bill Belichick proved to us that he is a vastly superior coach to anyone else in the game (this was proven more by Tomlin than Belichick, but not being an idiot seems to be a unique trait that is unique to Bill among NFL coaches). The defense was meh, but did anyone expect them to world beaters? (expect maybe our friend Bob) It’s gonna be a real test in Buffalo, but if the young line handles them, 16-0 and is a real possibility.