Preseason Week 2 Overreactions

 

Well it was another week of flag football, and by flag football I mean it appears that the league office is determined to destroy the game we all love by making playing defense a penalty.  It’s been stated before that this is an attempt by the league to try and get Peyton Manning one more Super Bowl title before he rides off into the sunset.  I for one think that instead of making defense illegal, they should look into their policy on HGH; this way Mr. Manning could possibly use some and grow a pair, thus eliminating his propensity to pee himself in big games.

It was tough to watch these games this weekend, but I toughed it out (mostly) and saw some good, some bad, and some real ugly.  So without further ado, we start at the bottom.

There was only one loser in the division this week and the Bills’ lackluster performance served a little dose of DOOM to our optimistic friends from the Great White North.  EJ Manuel showed that he still has a deep seeded fear of the left side of the field and still refuses to look that way.  EJ took a page out of some of our favorite Bills QBs of old and played the Captain Checkdown role like an old pro.  In other news, the Bills’ 2014 and 2015 1^st round draft pick Sammy Watkins went down with a boo boo and gave himself a perfect excuse to be below average for the first month of the season.  He should be 100% healthy just in time for his fellow Clemson alumnus CJ Spiller to go down with his annual vagina strain, thus bringing Bills fans to declare, “Next year is definitely our year.”

The Bills’ offense was all in all a disaster (Thad and the Tuel Man were god awful as well), but the defense is supposed to be the real strength of this Bills team.  Well that might not be so accurate…The secondary was awful, the front four were average at best and the linebackers were bad.  Uh oh, the “Towers of Terror had better step up or I’m going to be advising you all to take the under when you place your bets in Vegas for this season (6.5 wins).

Next up we have the team that won, and by a decent margin but was still not that good; your New York Jets.  The Jets were quite fortunate that Marvin Lewis decided he’d seen all he needed out of the Red Rocket, because when he left the game he was 8/8 with 154 yards, a TD and a perfect 158.3 QB rating.  Even Rex Ryan himself couldn’t find anything positive to say about his depleted secondary except that, “We’re a lot better than we showed”.  On a positive note, Geno Smith seems to have finally realized that he can’t throw, opting to check down to short passes or run whenever he was called upon to throw.  This worked out pretty well for young Geno, he finished the game with a rushing TD and his lone interception could easily be the fault of David Nelson.  Once the Bengals starters left the game, things took a positive turn for the Jets with Mike Vick leading a TD drive in the fourth quarter to take the lead for good.  Finally the Jets’ special teams provided a nice glimmer of hope when they blocked a punt leading to a safety.  Lastly, there was actually one bright spot for the defense and that was rookie Calvin Pryor.  He led the team in tackles and really does look like Rex picked another quality defender in the first round; unfortunately for the Jets defense is now against the rules.

In second place, I present the Miami Dolphins.  This is nice, because it may be the Fins high water mark for the year if they can’t figure out how to protect Mt. Tannemore.  Tanny was pedestrian in his limited action, but the Fins were saved by the legend of Matt Moore.  Mr. Moore sliced and diced the Bucs defense and made a case that he should really be the starter; unfortunately for him though, Plastic Joe isn’t capable of independent thought so Tanny is the man until he breaks in half and Joe is forced to take action.  Much like their brethren from New Jersey, the Dolphins’ defense was the start of the show, dominating the Bucs’ depleted running game and outside of being unable to slow down Mike Evans they destroyed the Bucs passing game.  Much like the Jets though, they could be headed for trouble seeing as the Rog-Father has done the equivalent of MLB moving in the fences after Bonds hit 73 home runs.

And last but certainly not least we have the cream of the crop, the New England Patriots.  Old man Brady decided to grace us with his presence this week and he looked the greatest QB of all time that he is.  Brady walked all over the Eagles defense, his only miscue being an interception that was no doubt the fault of some two bit TE that will most certainly be cut by the end of the month (if not the week).  Tom Terrific moved the ball with ease hitting what appears to be his new favorite WR Kenbrell Thompkins on a sweet back shoulder TD, the likes of which that we haven’t seen in quite some time.  Then the backups came in and showed us that there might just be life after Brady after all.  Jimmy G showed us that last week was not a fluke and when the lights are on he comes up big.  Once they actually got on the field; they had under 60 seconds of action in the first quarter, the Pats defense fell prey to the same hailstorm of flags that we saw throughout the league, but they were able to overcome and force four turnovers on a team that has proven to be very stingy when it comes to coughing the ball up.

We’re only a few short weeks away from real football, if the flags continue we are running the risk of ruining this season, but I’m going to choose to believe that the league couldn’t possibly be that stupid.  Fingers crossed, real football will return with real games.