So 2-2. That’s not all that bad considering how epically terrible the four teams of the AFC East are…Well it was a fun week, so let’s not hesitate….
Last place goes to the one and only New………………………………………………………………………………………………… York Jets. I really wanted to put the Pat here, but come on, the Jets just lost to a team that hasn’t won a game since Obama was president. It’s funny really, watching Jets fans and the Ny media get all hyped up for a QB that everyone knows will be a terrible bust. I know young Anakin showed a lot of awareness playing against backups in the preseason and while practicing against the Jets’ defense, but what they all forget is that preseason defense are comprised of future insurance salesmen and the practicing against the Jets’ defense is, well, practicing against a shitty defense. But don’t worry, these things always work out so well for the Jets…
Tied for last place is obviously the Patriots. It was a toss up this week, so why should we absolve either team of the lambasting they deserve. The Pats blow, I know the wall defenders will tell you that they “look like shit every September” and “Well they went to 8 Super Bowls and won 5 in the last 18 years”, but to be honest, the past doesn’t mean one damn thing to me. Bill Belichick needs to have his GM duties stripped immediately, he’s drunk with power and is now actively hurting the team, so he can prove some point that no one cares about. For a guy that has spent 17.5 years of his life telling us that everything he does is for the betterment of the T.E.A.M., he sure has done a lot of stuff that is in no way possible in the best interest of the team. Oh, sorry Bill. Are the best quarterback to ever play football (and the backbone of your “genius”) getting fed up with your dickish attitude? Boo freaking hoo, maybe you should have not exploited his generosity and actually invested in some actual talent for your roster, instead of stocking the team with 45 special teamers. It’s different this time, the Pats are devoid of talent (unless of course Josh Gordon puts down the pipe and returns to 2013 form) and it’s pretty unlikely that a LB that can actually play football will come available. But I forgot, Tom Brady can fix anything…Good luck.
Finally, on to the winners.
In second place, we find the Miami Dolphins. I know, I know, fin fans are going to be horrified that I haven’t named them favorites to win the next 14 Super Bowls after sneaking buy the Terrible titans, the Jets and the Raiders (who had traveled all the way across the country for a 1 o’clock game, a situation where the home team wins somewhere around 110% pf the time). But I’m sorry, when Albert Wilson is your best QB, I won’t put you in first place. The Fins are flying high, with their fans guzzling lube like it’s being served at Oktoberfest, but haven’t we heard this album before? Oh, I forgot, Wheels Tannehill is something like 11-1 over the last 3 years. It’s interesting that the Fin fans love to cut off the count there, just before the terrible losing streak…Oh well, let the Fin fans use the streets of Miami as giant Slip ‘N Slides for the next few weeks, we all know how this story ends…
And the big winner of the week…The Bills. This may never happen again this season, or it may happen for the rest of the season. As of today, not only is Baker Mayfield better than the Chosen One, but so is the guy from Wyoming that no one though would amount to shit…Josh Allen was dynamite on Sunday, inspiring internet memes and giving those whores from Minnesota the skull fucking they deserve (sorry, I’ve still got an irrational hatred for anyone from MN…). I mean it was truly hilarious to check in at halftime and see the Bills up by about a million points on the “best team in the league” and then checking in to www.TheSidelineReport.comto see Bills fans bracing for the collapse. But the Bills did not collapse and now Josh Allen has a winning percentage in the NFL that is nearly twice that of “the next great QB”…Drink it up Bills fans, you’ve got one week to enjoy the top of the mountain.
Please don’t drink ALLthe booze…
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