Ahh, back to normal here in the AFC East. Three losers and one winner, just the way we drew it up, we’ve now got just one undefeated team left in the division and it’s exactly who we all thought it would be. Let’s get right after it.
Last place goes to the Pats. I mean, they tried to look decent for the first half, but old man Belichick wouldn’t have that. The offensive line, which was playing kind of OK in the first half, parted like the Red Sea in the second, leading to Mac Jones getting more and more pressure, slowly leading to his tiny mind exploding. I was going to spend a good amount of this write-up talking about just how badly Mac Jones FUCKING SUCKS, but overdrafted rookie Cole Strange took that off the table by allowing the only real pass rusher on the Ravens front line to walk in and destroy Mac’s leg. So at least now I don’t have to listen to delusional Pats fans call into the radio shows saying, “The Pats really have a chance to make the playoffs, then anything can happen, guy.” Season is over, this team sucks, the GM sucks, the coach won’t admit it and the owner is off getting pegged in a massage parlor. I might reduce my win prediction to 4.
Second to last, the Jets. News flash, the Jets aren’t very good. But they do have some interesting young talent, which will no doubt be wasted due to the incompetence of the coaching staff. Joe Flacco is getting more and more upset that he’s being asked to work for his paycheck and he’s now trying to get his young receivers injured as punishment to the organization for having the audacity to make him play three games. With any luck young Zach Morris/ Wilson will be ready to go next week and the Jets can start their run to glory. Glory for the Jets being finishing third in the final division standings above the Pats…I don’t know, did I miss anything?
And third to last place goes to the Bills. Who played the most Bills game of all time. We spent the entire week leading up to kickoff, with “Bills Mafia” talking shit they like to do. Then, like all small-town crooks, when met with real city gangsters. The Mafia did what they do, complaining about the unfairness of the heat and the fact that the sun was in the Bills’ eyes. What a bunch of fucking babies. Then the Bills had a very Bills performance. Josh Allen piled up the stats, throwing for over 400 yards and two TDs, but he turned the ball over in at least one critical spot and let the clock run out when his kicker could have lined up to miss the game winning field goal. So, I suppose it’s just Josh Allen, doing Josh Allen things. Also, remember this come playoff time, Josh Allen is 0-6 in his last 6 one score games. The defense looked OK, but letting Tua get the best of you after your fans have shown him such disrespect for years is kind of a bad look. But I get it, the sun was in their eyes.
And on to the Winners.
Sitting all alone in first place both in these ranking and in the real standings, the Miami Dolphins. The Fins have been a real treat this season. Tua seems to be running on a similar developmental track that Josh Allen took, getting a little better each year, until he’s beating the division leaders. This is fun for Fin fans, but a bit terrifying for fans of the other teams who made fun of him for so long. Jaylon Waddle is a true stud at WR, coach Snoop has the goods, and with the addition of all world shitty human Tyreek, the Fins’ offense is now one to be reckoned with. The defense is a turnover producing machine as well, so don’t look now but the Fins might be the ones atop the AFC East when this thing is all said and done. They already have essentially a 2 game lead over second place, and the Bills haven’t even played their annual slip up game against a shitty team. It’s all sunshine and rainbows in Miami these days, let’s hope Florida Man doesn’t screw it all up.
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