Well, well, well…Looks like everything is settling right back down to normal here in the AFC East. Four games played by our four teams and only one win. And it was just who you thought it would be. Let’s get right to it…
Last place was a tough choice this week. Any of our wonderful losers could have set up residence, but moving is hard, so we’ll leave the Bills in the basement this week. And with good cause, losing at home, in the cold to the Saints is something that is very hard to do. Getting absolutely humiliated at home, in the cold, by the Saints is something that I didn’t think was even possible. The Bills gave up over 30 yards rushing and six, count them, SIX rushing TDs to the Saints. I mean come on man, not even Rex Ryan put out a team that bad. We’ve mapped out the Bills’ remaining schedule and it looks like 8-8 is just about the best possible scenario for the Bills. So, you know the deal…This isn’t the year Bills fans, but next year, next year is definitely the one.
Tied for last place, the Dolphins. What a disgusting franchise they have down there in Miami. I think it may be high time to for Mr. Ross to get Pitbull, Uncle Luke and J-Lo in a room and see what kind of price he can get to try and salvage some value in this franchise. To the game…To the surprise of nearly no one, Jay Cutler sucks at football. Now that they’ve jettisoned their best offensive player to Philly, the offense just sucks. They can’t move the ball and in addition, they are screwing their future by stacking up garbage time yards and points, thus creating a false sense of security for the front office. On the plus side, none of the coaching staff was seen on the internet blowing lines off a stripper’s ass this week.
Just barely above last place, the Jets. The Jets and Bucs played a double homecoming game, with Josh McCown facing his old team and Fitz making his triumphant return to the swamps of New Jersey. Neither team wanted to win, in fact, they each did their best to hand the other team victory. In the end, the Jets were able to triumph and find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Good news Jet fans, the tank is back on!! Unfortunately, putting the tank on hold just ensures that you won’t get the player that you need or lust for in the draft. The Jets are boring.
Now for the winner.
As per usual this decade, the Pats are the only team to win and thus are in first place. The Pats traveled out to the Mile High city so that CJ could see what a real football team looks like in person (even though we know he wouldn’t actually go). Much was made of Tom Brady’s past struggles in Denver and many said that this was going to be a tough spot for the Pats since they were starting a two-week road trip where they would not return home in between. Well, the spot didn’t seem too tough, thanks to the Broncos’ special teams slipping in poo left behind by the dogs that are ridden by monkeys that entertain the yokels. First off, the Pats opened the game by going three and out, only to have the Denver punt returner get confused by the voodoo of a left-footed kicker and handed the ball right back to the Pats. A couple plays later, TD. Then the Broncos showed just how far they’ve fallen…The offense moved down the field fairly easily, with Manny Sanders giving Malcolm Butler wedgies up and down the field. But Vance Joseph is a terrible coach and Brock Lobster is a terrible QB, so they settled for a field goal. Something they did all night long…Then Dion Lewis returned a kickoff 103 yards and the game was all but over. Then just to rub it in, starting RB, Rex Burkhead blocked a punt. I know you all love to hear this, it looks like the Pats are certainly headed back to the Conference Championship Game and more than likely, the Super Bowl. Awesome.
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