Another week of the 2016 NFL season has come and gone and the AFC East performed as it usually does; some good some bad and some REALLY bad. Let’s get right after it.
In last place, by a mile we find the New York Jets and their slowly fracturing locker room. The Jets played the Chiefs and while no one but Jets fans expected them to win, I’m not sure anyone quite expected this. Ryan Fitzpatrick confirmed to America that last year was a fluke and he really sucks, really bad. Fitz threw six, count them SIX interceptions, each uglier than the last. In total, the Jets turned the ball over eight times, resulting in two TDs for the Chiefs and the Jets were out of this game before they even got off the bus. After the game, Jets WRs Eric Decker and Brandon Marshall “chose their words carefully” when talking about the offensive game plan and there were many reports of growing frustration within the Jets’ ranks. Now there are Jets fans that will tell you that it’s no big deal, they just signed an underachieving drunk to fix everything. I on the other hand will take the Jets’ nearly five decades of dysfunction into the equation and tell you that the Jets sit on the brink of disaster.
Now that that ugliness is behind us, let’s talk about something just a little less ugly; the Miami Dolphins. The Dolphins did register their first win of the season, but that really must be chalked up to the fact that they played the Browns, who didn’t want anything to do with a win (the Browns had the opportunity to sign Robbie Gould as their kicker, but elected to sign Corky or whatever his name is to ensure a loss). The Fins found themselves locked in a real slugfest with the hapless Browns and their 3rd string, rookie QB. They even knocked said QB out of the game for a bit, forcing the Browns to play a WR at QB (something the Fins are very familiar with). Even he shredded the Fins vaunted defense when given the opportunity. In the end, Tanny and company had the ball with an opportunity to mount a game wining drive. Tanny promptly fumbled the ball away and handed the Browns the ball in chip shot field goal position. Lucky for the Browns, the aforementioned Corky, who had already missed two FG attempts, shanked the kick as bad as you can possibly shank a kick sending the game to overtime. Then the Browns showed us all that they are still the Browns and let the Fins score a game winning TD. They say a win is a win, but even Head Coach Adam Gase was not happy, saying after the game that it’s time his guys start playing well or they are going to be benched. Suh should be happy to hear that, he’ll get to spend some more time down at the beach.
On to the real winners.
This week was a little tough to determine who should sit in the #1 and #2 spots on the list. I’m going to put the New England Patriots in the second seat this week. The Pats employed a high school game plan on offense this week with their own third string, rookie QB and fortunately for them, the Houston Texans decided that they didn’t want to play the game. This was another game that was pretty much over before the visiting team got off the bus, the Texans and their over-paid QB sucked in all three phases of the game. The offense was laughable, the defense was terrible and the special teams were something out of a Pop Warner contest. The Pats repeatedly forced the Texans’ kick returners to actually return kickoffs and they helpfully fumbled the ball back to the Pats. Let’s talk about Jacoby Brisket. The young stud QB from NC State was not flustered by the bright lights, he ran a triple option offense to perfection and even had himself the longest TD run by a Pats QB since the great Steve Grogan. In addition, he showed his toughness by playing a large part of the second half with an injured thumb on his throwing hand. Well that’s it, the Pats have just one game left before the resurrection of Jesus in Cleats, but with no QBs on the roster who are not injured and a game against the #1 team on this list, 4-0 is no sure thing…
That brings us to the Pats’ next opponent and the #1 team in the AFC East for week 3, the Buffalo Bills. (OK, I may just be taking the opportunity to rank the Bills #1 because I may not get another chance this season) The Bills played a team that was a very trendy pick for the NFC’s representative in the Super Bowl, the Arizona Cardinals; and they destroyed them. This game proved that when Rex is backed into a corner, he’s like a wild animal (and not just the way he attacks food). The Bills dominated the Cards in all phases, their new OC *name escapes me and I don’t feel like looking it up* realized that running the ball is what the Bills do best and he devised a game plan that allowed them to absolutely shred the Cards with not only Shady McCoy, but also Tyrod Taylor. On defense, the Bills really put Carson Palmer’s USC “education” to the test, confusing him all day and forcing him into four interceptions. Good news Bills fans, Rex has his swagger back. He’s been needling Bill Belichick all week and now he gets to face at most a 2nd string QB in Foxboro. The Bills are moving on up, next stop a deluxe apartment in the sky.
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