One more week in the books and who would’ve thunk it, we’ve got a surprise at the top of our rankings (and a constant at the bottom). Let’s get right after it.
In last place we have the smelly, green bag of suck that is the New York Jets. What a disgrace this franchise is. The Jets played the Arizona Cardinals on Monday Night Football and what an unwatchable game it was. Between our old friend Fat Revis holding on to Larry Fitz for dear life on every play and the “elite” run defense of the Jets looking like rancid Swiss cheese this game was over even before the Jets’ putrid offense took the field. Speaking of the offense, Fitz was just as bad as expected- with his receivers gaining surprising separation from the Cardinals’ defenders, he hurled wild throw after wild throw that landed nowhere near his intended targets. The one positive for old Fitzy was that he was so inaccurate that only one of his throws was close enough to the defense to be intercepted. The Jets managed 3 points on the evening, something that Jets fans should get used to. Hey, maybe the front office will be smart and trade off Matt Forte for a pick that they can use on another crappy backup QB.
Now for the first time this season, we only had one loser, so let’s get on to the winners.
There was a lot of fairly impressive play by the teams in the AFC East this week and ranking the teams was difficult, so I went with the caliber of opponent. Therefore, the bronze medal this week goes to the Buffalo Bills. The Bills were good this week, but no amount of ass crack ice luges (off a surprisingly in shape and good looking girl from Buffalo) could make up for the fact that they got the fortune of playing a Colin Kaepernick led 49ers squad at home. This was an easy win for the Bills who did let the 9ers hang around for the first half or so before getting their shit together and walking to an easy blowout. Some of our friends here had some tense moments when Shady left the game for a time; many Bills fans took that as a mark of the end of the season and rightly so. But when those fans awoke from their drunken slumber, they found out that Mr. McCoy had returned to the game to continue his 2012like dominance of the league. Just going to put it out there, I think the Bills got the better of that trade…
On to the team in second place. The New England Patriots. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that Tom Brady fella is pretty good at the footballing. The Pats, like the Bills had some trouble getting things going in the first half. The offensive line was downright offensive, but after Ernie Adams checked the tapes and made the halftime adjustments, the Pats rolled over the Bengals and effectively ended their season. Malcolm Butler had his best game of the year, but Logan Ryan can still be raped with an Ebola infested rose branch. In addition, it’s funny how good the defense looks when they are attacking instead of just sitting back and letting teams throw for 10 yards at a clip. Maybe BB’s new granddaughter can show that to Matty P on the tapes and he’ll finally realize it. Otherwise it was just another week for the Pats, they won their game and the star QB of their next opponent was taken out, ho hum…
Speaking of taking out Big Ben, our super surprise of the week is that the Miami Dolphins are the #1 team on the list! The Fins master plan worked, like Commodus said in “Gladiator”, “There is a fish who lies motionless at the bottom of the sea, this fish lets its enemies pick at it, even take bites before it strikes.” Well the Fins took their bite this week and what a bite they took, stomping Ben’s knee and absolutely embarrassing the so called “2nd best team in the AFC.” The pride of Boise State Jay Aj@%Ye shredded the Steelers mediocre defense to the tune of 204 yards and two TDs. The defense was swarming and even when Benn hobbled his fat tits back out onto the field, the Fins made him look stupid (well stupider than he normally looks). The best news for the Fins is they get another team that will likely be looking ahead to a showdown with the Pats (and is now being discussed as possibly the 2nd best team in the AFC). Could they sneak up twice in a row? Only time will tell.
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