Ah Thanksgiving, the one day we Americans set aside each year to eat and drink like kings and really live up to that “All Americans are fat and lazy,” stereotype that the rest of the world holds for us. The games on turkey day were a little better than we’ve seen in recent history, at least the Lions won for what feels like the first time since the great #20 was running around for them. We also use the last Thursday of November to commemorate a great day in NFL history when what will probably go down as the greatest play in the history of the league was created- the Buttfumble. Mark Sanchez will be forgotten in NFL circles before too long but his greatest play will surely live forever (I can see the 2035 Jeopardy answer now: “This man once ran into his own lineman’s ass and coughed up a fumble on Thanksgiving 2012”).
Well I guess we’ll get to the division:
Now that’s the kind of circus that we were all promised heading into the 2013 NY Jets season. Geno Smith put up one of the greatest stat lines we’ve seen since the great mark Sanchez was running into his own teammates asses- 4-10, 29 yds and a pick, benched for Matt Simms (I had Chris in this post until the editing process). Just plain awesome. I wonder if he took the time to tweet his friends his latest status update? Now what else to say? I wrote last week that the Jets were posted up in mom’s basement with a couple of two liters of Jolt, well it looks like the Jolt ran out and only the most determined of Jets fans will be seen for the rest of the season. But I do like to end things on a positive note, so I will say that a few more games like that and we’ll all get the pleasure of watching Rex turn witty phrases every Sunday morning in 2014 as a guest host on the “NFL Today on CBS”. That has to make you feel good about society.
The Bills…The Bills, the Bills, the Bills…I heard that the good folks at the border are still checking into whether or not America wants them back. I mean how can you lose to the Falcons? This isn’t the team that was coming off of a 14-2 season and who was just a breath away from the Super Bowl just 11 months ago. No, this is the collection of stiffs that rolled into the fourth largest city in North America riding a sweet five game losing streak. The Bills rolled to a nice 14-0 lead, they then remembered that they were in fact the Bills and slowly soiled themselves to the tune of a 34-31 overtime loss. It’s not just that the Bills lost, a lot of people expect the Bills to lose (a lot), but it’s the increasing degree of difficulty with which they do it. The Bills are like some sort of perverse super hero (super Mario?) where no matter the lead they have, or the ineptitude of their opponent, they will find a way to blow the game. I mean two fumbles by WRs in the closing minutes, TWO? Today’s positive for the Bills is that CJ Spiller had his big game for the season, so fantasy owners can feel safe in cutting him knowing that he won’t burn you again by putting up 30 points on your bench. Also, have no fear Bills fans sometime within the next five years (I say three) Tom Brady will retire and barring the Pats successfully replacing him (which I’m not counting on) the Bills might be able to finish second in the division. Maybe Miami can lend the Bills the “good job, good effort” kid to help raise their spirits.
Hey now, who’s that handsome bunch sitting here in the winner’s circle? Well I’ll be damned, it’s the Miami Dolphins. I hope all of you fans have filled out your thank you notes (Here’s the address in case you lost it: New York Jets LLC, 1 Jets Dr., Florham Park, NJ 07932). It really is nice of the Jets to allow your team to come in and humiliate them. The Fins seem to have put all this funny business behind them and packed up the carnies for the winter and sent them to work in some other town (much like the rest of central FL does every year at carnival time). My biggest issue with the Fins is Lamar Miller- if this guy keeps it up fans are going to start expecting him to average 3.5 yds/ carry every game and we all know that will just end in a letdown. Dion Jordan, nope I go nothing on him…OK Tanny. Tanny was smart and efficient in his play yesterday, he knew that all he needed to do was not throw the ball to the Jets and his team would win (lucky for him the Jets are so bad he could get away with doing it once), and he accomplished that just nicely. The Fins won’t make the playoffs this year, but if there ever there was a 7-9 team to deserve it, it would be this one.
Now onto the champs. True the Pats can’t officially clinch another division title until Sunday, but let’s dispense with the niceties and call it what it is- the Pats won this crap division just by waking up and officially declaring that they would participate in the 2013 season. It is nice that the Pats are employing a new strategy to keep their fans engaged in the games by spotting their opponents at least a two score lead before they start trying (and it goes to show how much respect BB and Co have for the Broncos since they spotted Denver 24, but thought that Houston only needed 10). Rob Gronkowski showed us all what a giant with Mickey Mouse gloves can do if you allow him to run through a secondary unchecked for about 10 seconds and Julian “Minitron” Edelman is doing his best to make all the Pats fans out there forget that guy in Denver who can’t catch when it counts. If the Patriots decide to take the blindfolds off of their defenders the league had better watch out (I mean at the beginning of the season who saw Pats fans panicking that Logan Ryan might be hurt).
Yours Truly,
Vinny
Bonus section:
The ‘Noles took a quarter off on Saturday, but still embarrassed the hicks from the swamp and are poised to slap around Duke before heading off the California for the National Championship game. The Alabama Crimson Tide coach Nick Saban looked like he had a case of the “Crimson Tide” of his own when he watched Auburn’s Chris Davis return his backup kickers attempt at a 57 yard game winner 109 yards the other way for the game winning score. Now hopefully OSU can hold on to that #2 spot in the BCS rankings making FSU’s title hopes that much easier.
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