Last place, the Pats. Well this season was just awful. Many, many Pats fans and media were hyped for this season, thinking the Pats were on the rise and somehow they’d challenge for a playoff spot. This humble writer, said they were a 6 win team. They were worse. The Pats shook up their offensive coaching staff to help improve their26th rated offense from 2022. Well, in 2023 they finished 29 th , with the lowest total points scored since 2012 (with an extra game, so that’s even worse). This team was doomed from the moment Boob Kraft decided to retain Bill Belichick after the 2022 season, the game passed the greatest coach of all time by about 7 years ago and ever since he ran the greatest player of all time out of town, things have just gotten progressively worse. To me, rock bottom for GM Bill Belichick had to be this last draft, when his team has holes up and down the roster, so he decides to package picks to trade up for a kicker. A kicker mind you who sucks terribly, and he had one of the more reliable kickers in the league on his roster. But today is the day that many of us have been waiting for, Bill Belichick has been fired. Let’s all celebrate for a day, then hopefully the Kraft kid is in charge of the next Head Coach search (because we can’t trust a senile old drunk with minimal business skill who is more interested in prostate massages from young IG whores making such an important decision). This is rock bottom, time to start moving upwards.
Second to last place, the Fins. Well obviously the Fins aren’t as bad as the jets, but they did lose last week, so they have to get put here. But really, do they have much to complain about? If the Eagles didn’t exist, people would be talking about the Fins and their otherworldly collapse. I mean it’s hard to be surprised that a team from the fraud capital of America would turn out to be a complete fraud, but really what the rest of us are mad about is now the Bills fans are getting mouthy again. It’s almost like letting a terrible human’s individual stats be the primary focus of your franchise is a harbinger of doom? Ahh well, the Fins get the chance to go to Kansas City this week and wrap up their season by losing to one of the other most disappointing teams in the league this year. And hey, maybe the Kansas City Police Department will finally do the right thing now that Tyreek doesn’t play for their hometown team.
On to the “winners”
Second place goes to the Jets. Hey Jet fans, your team finally beat the Patriots. It’s been nearly a decade and took the Pats having literally the worst offense this century, but you did it. And you helped get Bill Belichick fired, so thank you. The Jets’ future is like one of those January days where the sun peeks out from behind the clouds and you get all excited and take off your coat and put on your sunglasses, only to find it snowing by the time you get outside. They have an excellent defense, with young studs at just about every level. They have some excellent, young weapons on offense. BUT, the face of their franchise is still one of the most underachieving “All Time Great” players, who also happens to be one of the dumbest humans in America with a platform. Like Marge levels of stupid. So who knows, but my guess is the Jets are gonna Jet once again.
And in first place, the Bills. The Bills are probably one of the most underwhelming division champs in the league. The national NFL media is still riding them as a team to watch, but I’m sorry, the Bills have struggled with the dregs of the league (and even lost to the Patriots) and the only “good” teams they’ve beaten are the other fraud teams, so any deep playoff runs are likely not gonna happen. But hey, maybe Josh Allen can get everyone excited by losing another exciting game to the Chiefs?
To summarize, there’s not a ton to be happy about for any of us this season, but at least we can all look forward to a Browns/ Lions Super Bowl.
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